Dear god, I hope not. Ughh. For your own sake, I hope you answer no to
most
or all of the following questions:
- The magic blue-eyed white Aryan Jesus horses decide who gets to run
your
government.
- The magic white horses are ALWAYS RIGHT. Democracy,
schmemocracy.
- You and everyone you know have at least two of the following:
- psionic powers
- a telepathic animal sidekick with a dry sense of humor
- a magic sword with a mind of its own
- a dark, troubled past
- flowing, ass-length hair (which comes in silvery white, rippling
amber, or
raven black).
Also, the most common eye colors are silver, emerald green, and icy
pale
blue.
- You can only wear one color. This color determines your personality
and
your role in life. If you change the color of your clothes, you will
become
a completely new person!
- The best way to get sympathy from your friends is to be gang-raped,
tortured, and almost — but not quite — killed. Luckily, there
are plenty of
demonic cult members, dastardly despots, and vengeful bandits who are
happy
to help you out with this.
- The best way to show sympathy to your friends is to beat them up
and call
them lazy and selfish.
- Intergenerational romance is the best kind. Unless one of you is,
like,
fat or something. Ewww!
- All fat people are stupid, evil, lazy, whiny, or poisoned. This may
or
may not apply to Misty herself.
- Mercenary soldiers are your friends. No, really, they are. Most of
them
are hot blond chicks who love to do crafts in their spare time.
- Your parents were really, REALLY mean to you — but you showed
them!
If you answered yes to five or more questions, you may need to see a
Healer
(in the green clothes) to get help for your little...adjustment
problem, or
whatever it is. If you answered yes to eight or more questions, drop
everything and do whatever's necessary to find a dimensional portal. If
you're lucky, you might be able to escape to a more mature and
dignified
place, like Xanth.
Don't be a hero!
