Are You Living in a Mercedes Lackey Novel?

Dear god, I hope not. Ughh. For your own sake, I hope you answer no to most or all of the following questions:

SheepEye, by Therianthrope
  1. The magic blue-eyed white Aryan Jesus horses decide who gets to run your government.
  2. The magic white horses are ALWAYS RIGHT. Democracy, schmemocracy.
  3. You and everyone you know have at least two of the following:
    • psionic powers
    • a telepathic animal sidekick with a dry sense of humor
    • a magic sword with a mind of its own
    • a dark, troubled past
    • flowing, ass-length hair (which comes in silvery white, rippling amber, or raven black).
    Also, the most common eye colors are silver, emerald green, and icy pale blue.
  4. You can only wear one color. This color determines your personality and your role in life. If you change the color of your clothes, you will become a completely new person!
  5. The best way to get sympathy from your friends is to be gang-raped, tortured, and almost — but not quite — killed. Luckily, there are plenty of demonic cult members, dastardly despots, and vengeful bandits who are happy to help you out with this.
  6. The best way to show sympathy to your friends is to beat them up and call them lazy and selfish.
  7. Intergenerational romance is the best kind. Unless one of you is, like, fat or something. Ewww!
  8. All fat people are stupid, evil, lazy, whiny, or poisoned. This may or may not apply to Misty herself.
  9. Mercenary soldiers are your friends. No, really, they are. Most of them are hot blond chicks who love to do crafts in their spare time.
  10. Your parents were really, REALLY mean to you — but you showed them!
If you answered yes to five or more questions, you may need to see a Healer (in the green clothes) to get help for your little...adjustment problem, or whatever it is. If you answered yes to eight or more questions, drop everything and do whatever's necessary to find a dimensional portal. If you're lucky, you might be able to escape to a more mature and dignified place, like Xanth.

Don't be a hero!

RedFeather, by

Miranda is not the droid you're looking for. Move along, move along.

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